How can you build creative confidence? What will help you to put your best foot forward?

Can pretending really help give you more confidence?

Remember how easy it was when you were a kid to make believe you were a super hero or a princess or maybe even a dinosaur?

It never failed to bring smiles to people around us when my son between the ages of 4 and 7 years old insisted on wearing his green dinosaur costume with a scaled two foot long tail every where we went. He proudly wore his costume even when he could barely zip it, the knees were worn out, and the legs were 4” short. He was a dinosaur.

Powerful Pretending

There is something powerful about pretending that can often begin to feel natural.

I saw the last ten minutes of Dancing with the Stars the other night. The celebrities were talking about how nervous they were they go live on stage to dance.

Even seasoned performers who are used to being on stage, in front of large audiences, feel anxious and jittery.

They take a deep breath, put on a smile and act as if they are confident and having fun despite the terror they feel.

Many of them said after a few moments they were able to get into the dance and their smiles became real.

“I have often been afraid, but I wouldn’t give in to it. I made myself act as though I was not afraid, and gradually my fear disappeared.” Theodore Roosevelt

Costume Optional

You don’t have to wear a costume to transform yourself. Think about how your body changes when you are feeling confident.

What could you do as a signal to yourself to act as if you are confident?

You might stand straight, smile, and relax your shoulders.

You could roll up your sleeves as a gesture of being ready to act.

You might wear a particular outfit, sweater, jewelry or hat.

Now get ready to make that phone call, speak in front of a group, write your book, or maybe dance with the stars!

This is continuing the conversation in the series “Ten Reasons NOT to Have What You Want”.

Sometimes you may not say the words out loud but your actions,  or maybe more appropriately,  your lack of action is because you are thinking, “I’m not good enough.”

Or maybe it is a variation like, “I’m not ready yet.”  Or “I’ll wait until I have more experience.” Or “Mine isn’t as good as hers (or his).”

If you are a perfectionist, these are reoccurring reflexive thoughts that often stop you in your tracks.

It could be that you somehow got this message when you were young and you’ve carried it with you for years.

This reason is also very closely related to I Don’t Deserve It.

It doesn’t matter why you have that message running through your head as much as it does what are you going to do about it?

Here are a few ways to challenge that thought.

Question if it is true.

Is it REALLY true?  Have other people given you compliments that you shrug off and tell them all the things that are wrong with your creation?

Have you ever seen a movie or read a book that critics raved about and you didn’t like it at all?  What is good enough or even great is a matter of opinion.

Have you ever heard someone sing from the church choir or community theatre that blew your socks off?  Someone else might be selling millions of records who isn’t necessarily more talented.

Change Your Automatic Thinking

Another way of thinking of changing this thought pattern is that it is simply a habit that you have unintentionally developed so your ego is protected.  If you don’t put yourself out there or share your work or your gifts, you can’t fail.

This has been a revelation to me.  If you are aware of a habit, you can change it.

Build Your Confidence Muscles

You may need to take some small steps to build your confidence muscles.  I remember reading a story about a writer who challenged herself to get 20 or 30 rejection letters.  She knew the more rejection letters she received, the more likely someone was going to accept her story.  She gave herself a reward for every 5 rejections she received.  Maybe you can set your own challenge.

Don’t Try So Hard

One of my favorite stories is from Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s book What We Ache For is an experiment in a pottery class.  One half of the class was told they just needed to make one really great pot, and the other class the only objective was to make several, and not worry about the outcome.  You can read more about it in this post on Creative Failures. 

Play More

This is similar to not trying so hard and not taking yourself so seriously.  You may be missing out on allowing yourself to enjoy the process if your expectations are always so high.

Remember when you were a kid and you would sing at the top of your lungs even though you were off key or proudly show your Mom and Dad your latest crayon masterpiece?

That little kid is still there, waiting for you to let them out to play.

This is continuing the conversation in the series “Ten Reasons NOT to have what you want”.

Today we’ll talk about the reason “I don’t deserve it”.  As with all of these reasons we give ourselves, this one can have many layers behind it.

If you sometimes feel like you don’t deserve to be happy or to achieve your dreams and goals, it may be because you lack self confidence.

This may be linked to experiences from your past that left you feeling fearful to put yourself out there again but most of the time the fear is worse than actually doing it.

There are many things you can do to help boost your self confidence.

1. List some of your successes in the past.  What gave you the courage or confidence to succeed?  How can you use what you have learned from that and apply it to your current situation?
2. Do you just need some practice?  Maybe you can ask friends or family to help you practice your skills.
3. Use your imagination to its fullest.  Like an athlete who can visualize crossing the finish line, use your power of imagination to internally practice success.  See the article on How Do I believe I Can Have What I Want? for more on this.
4. Some people successfully use affirmations and others think they are a bunch of hooey.  But those internal messages and thoughts really do make a difference.  Your thoughts affect your feelings.  Your feelings affect your actions.  If you have conditioned yourself to believe that you don’t deserve something or that you are not good enough, why not practice retraining your thoughts to create a different outcome?
5. Another twist on using affirmations is to be aware when you have a negative thought or feeling and just take a second or two to notice it objectively, and use that to think about what you would rather think or feel.

We will talk more about confidence when we get to reason #9 – I’m not good enough.

Could it be that it is just easier to use an excuse like I don’t deserve it?  Then you have a built in reason for not trying, and if you don’t try, you won’t fail either.

Another reason behind feeling like you don’t deserve it may be linked to the fact you feel guilty for having something when others don’t.  You may see the suffering in the world and wonder why you should be happy or abundant when so many are without.

One way to reframe that is to ask, “Does it help anyone else if you deprive yourself of happiness?”  I personally think if you have more, you can give more.  That can be in the form of energy, money, or service.  There is also a direct effect on the people around you.  Enthusiasm and kindness are contagious.  And taking care of yourself allows you to take better care of others.

What are the reasons you use that keep you stuck?